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Greg Gutfeld: Despite statistics that show the low spread of COVID outdoors, media dealers fear

Do you want to hear something that will blow your mind? I mean, apart from the fact that it’s been a week and Kat is still married? According to the New York Times, “there is not a single documented COVID infection in the world caused by occasional outdoor interactions, such as walking past someone on a street or eating at a nearby table.” Yes, you heard that right. The New York Times admits that outdoor COVID transmission is the biggest myth since Trump worked with Russia.

Not a single documented COVID infection in the world from casual outdoor interactions. For example, eat, go for a walk or give Jesse Waters the finger. What to do at every opportunity. And yet what do you see?

People outside, masked, sometimes with two, others with face shields – like brushing Shane MacGowan’s teeth – he’s the singer of the Pogues. That’s why I’m telling you to floss Kat! She doesn’t listen.

How did we get here? First, we were lied to. Last month, the CDC told us that less than 10 percent of its broadcasts were from the open air. Which is true – technically, “point one percent” is less than 10 percent. And that’s probably the actual transfer rate. One percent point – not ten. That’s a hundredfold difference I think.

But of course the media spread that large number like herpes in a beehive full of slutty bees. And now everyone looks like Michael Jackson impersonators in their stupid, useless masks. To jog. On bicycles. In swimming pools. It’s embarrassing to be human! We all look like fools. Because it’s pointless.

It’s like being buckled up for lunch. Or a football helmet to bed. Thank god these days are behind me.

So the CDC lied to us. They made a statement that they knew was technically correct, but they wanted to deceive. One tenth of a percent is literally less than ten percent. It’s like saying that the U.S. has fewer than 10,000 black bear attacks per year. It’s true there is about one black bear attack a year. I bet it’s the same bear and guy. The pervert. The worst part? The bear was not wearing a mask!

So the mask guidelines are literally a cover-up! The CDC still says if you aren’t vaccinated you should wear masks outdoors, and even the vaccinated should wear them at major events like concerts, sporting events, and We Love Greg Gutfeld rallies. And they still have kids to wear to summer camp. Which is fine with me because I hate kids, but I know it’s wrong.

Other than Operation Warp Speed, our pandemic response is not scientifically based. It’s based on science fiction. I wonder how our angry white man feels about this.

Tom Shillue as an angry white man: Masks? No, I am not wearing one. It would also interfere with my cycling at the opera.

So, although the statistics tell us otherwise, the media continues to sell fear. Creating docile, obedient readers is their trading inventory, their business model. And when they run out of creepy stats, they literally climb a mountain to find more.

The Washington Post just published an article on the spread of COVID among Mount Everest climbers. The press will literally go to the end of the world trying to find new places where people can be afraid of COVID. Yes, people who climb Mount Everest are at risk of COVID – as opposed to the normal way to die on Mount Everest. Which is impaled on a pile of frozen poop.

However, the normal risk of death on the mountain is between 0.5 and 1.1 percent. In other words, it’s a little less than a thousand percent. But it’s higher than a 25-year-old death rate from COVID at any height. Something tells me, if you go to Nepal to find the untold story of COVID – you will get desperate. I’m still waiting for the COVID numbers from people living under the sea.

Why is the mask so bad? It’s another transparent deception that makes the average citizen skeptical of everything the government tells us about COVID. Even the real stuff. And conflicts arise between self-righteous holes and the nice people who mask them.

Video of the man shaming a maskless woman: I want you to know that your insensitivity is ridiculous. I no longer have grandparents because of this virus because people like you don’t want to wear a mask in the store. It’s actually ridiculous. It is insensitive and disgusting for you as a person to show so much privilege to all of these people. There are so many elderly people here who have health problems
Woman: I am pregnant
Man: Oh great – whoop dee congratulations on your pregnancy – it’s ridiculous and I want you to know that – you’re in front of the camera

God I hope when this lovely lady’s baby is born it will grow up and beat this guy’s crap.


The truth is – the media played the corner of the mask because they saw it as another way of dividing the country in half. Which is the only math they’re good at – division. You wear masks – you are a patriot; Don’t wear them and you will be a Neanderthal man trying to kill my grandma.

It’s all to keep us angry and divided. But the truth is very different. So leave the masks outside. Except you – the media. After lying to millions of people, I also hid my face.

This article is from Greg Gutfeld’s opening monologue in the issue of “Gutfeld!” May 11, 2021.

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