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Welcome back. I hope you all enjoyed your Memorial Day. Or as those who have failed in history call it: “The long weekend”.
So I had a great time up at the lake. I actually did water-ski with Caitlyn Jenner. As expected, Kat and her new husband spent Memorial Day in a typical fashion.
At least that’s what really happened. But how do you know that? According to CNN, that’s not possible. Last week they reported on a study that claimed Americans exaggerate – and surprisingly – Republicans are more likely to fall for fake news than dems.
Oliver Darcy from CNN, May 31st: This really just underscores this messaging literacy problem we have in this country where people are consuming misinformation, conspiracy theories and things that are just not true.
Yeah, coming from CNN, dope. I have two words for you, Wooly Willy: Russian agreements. However, if the results showed the opposite, CNN would never have conducted the study. If the story doesn’t live up to your assumptions, it will go away faster than Jeffrey Epstein’s little black book. The study found that “overconfident” people were more likely to share false content from “unreliable” websites. How does that sound to you? A CNN anchor!
If you recall, CNN brought some of the falsest collusion-to-disability stories of all time through Covington to Kavanaugh. These guys post more fictional content than Stephen King. And now they say you can’t distinguish between real and fake news. I would call it “gaslighting” but only Pete Hegseth does this after eating a bowl of beans.
CNN is like the guy on the corner selling fake Rolexes and laughing at you for buying one. And in either case, you know the product is counterfeit because you got it. One is just selling it from a television studio, the other is naked except for a trench coat that is standing in front of a peep show in Times Square. And they’re both Don Lemon.
But this study is brought to you from the Trump era – through the destruction of legacy media. After four years of Trump, these guys were more exposed on Snapchat than Anthony Weiner by 2 a.m. Now we know the emperor has no clothes. (Hope Brian Stelter isn’t there.) (Sorry for the picture.)
So it’s not their fault for spreading fake news, it’s your fault, they say. Which leads me to another, stranger study. Last year, Pew reported that conservatives are far less likely to be diagnosed with mental health problems than those who describe themselves as either liberal or very liberal. The worst sufferers? White women, ages 18-29, of whom 56.3 percent received a psychiatric diagnosis. That is more than double that of the moderates and conservatives.
The first thing you learn from this “survey” is that there are many psychological problems. You could have learned that if you had been on Tinder for a week. But it begs the question: do leftist ideas cause mental health problems or do people with mental health problems tend to left things? Another way to ask this is, “Was Pelosi bat **** crazy before she got into politics or after?”
Let’s see what CNN thinks.
Sketch of woman and man quarreling: Woman: My sources tell me that Bret Kavanaugh breaks into people’s homes and steals their guinea pigs. // Man: How can you talk about Kavanaugh when we have velociraptors and T-Rex all over the country that have people of the wrong genders? // Woman: There is a widespread transphobia problem in the velociraptor community, that’s true. // Man: And during Pride month!
Over at MSNBC now?
Sketch of a phone interview with Brian Williams: Hello and welcome back to 11th Hour, I’m your host and original Beach Boys lead singer Brian Williams. In today’s top story, I’m going to discuss the time I was best friend with Martin Luther King Jr. We met when I was teaching pterodactyls how to read baby’s music. It was the same month that I ascended the Danish throne and invented the color orange. That story and more after the break.
Why do so many liberals have mental health problems? I’m not a doctor. But I won’t let that stop me. If you keep digesting contents from a conveyor belt of ailments – while you think a bunch of bad people are out to make the world worse, what does that do to your brain? You get angry. When you go outside you yell at cops. You are told that the world is nothing but two groups: the oppressed and the oppressors.
But if you believe that people are irretrievably bad and that there is no justice, how useful are you? If you keep following stories of terrible inequality every day – supplied by your media source – it will add up.
And if your ideology calls for all of this behavior to be eradicated, what if you can’t? You are helpless You’re just one person, armed only with a degree in women’s studies and a hat that looks like your labia. You get disconnected from reality – from your friends, your family.
It is now a clash between an impossible utopian vision and a warped reality designed by the media just to drive you crazy. No wonder so many people are excited. Especially women who generally care more about things than pigs like me. My solution will of course always be skepticism. To take a step back and see how the media manipulates you. And how this manipulation affects your mind. And moods.
It’s like a bad relationship, but you keep coming back to learn more. But it’s not real. In comparison, The Wizard of Oz is a non-fiction book. Then consider the lost opportunity cost of wallowing in the theater of repression.
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Sometimes you use other people’s problems to avoid your own. You show compassion for refugees but haven’t spoken to your parents in years. Instead of building your resilience to overcome life’s problems. You fail. But at least it’s not your fault. It’s those damn sweatshops in Sri Lanka! It’s a prison meal full of gluten! It’s everywhere except here. It’s someone besides you.
Of course, mental health problems exist regardless of the media. I’ve been crazy for decades. And I could get worse. But the media have no pity on your current state and use it to their advantage. Legacy media need vulnerable people who watch their anger-inducing clickbaits. But if you brought up CNN, they’d call it fake news.
This article is an adaptation of Greg Gutfeld’s opening monologue for the edition of “Gutfeld!” from June 1, 2021.