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Well – if you told my ten year old me that I would have Caitlin Jenner on my talk show. I would say I have a talk show? And who is Caitlin Jenner? And then I’d tell my ten year old self who Caitlin Jenner is and I’d be like holy shit! What the hell is wrong with this world? Then I would ask if Mr. T is still Mr. T? But then I would calm down and be totally excited.
So if you have a sports legend on your show who is also trans, you have to fight the elephant in the room. Yes, to paraphrase Roy Scheider in “Jaws” – we need a bigger Wheaties box.
Yes – the Olympic Games are welcoming their first transporter. And luckily we have a couple of athletes on this panel tonight talking about it. Not Kat. The last time she ran anywhere was from the police. But as a former Olympic athlete, I have some thoughts. Bet you didn’t know I was at the Olympics? I was sure of that until they banned dwarf litter. Yes, it even made it onto the Wheaties box. Take Count Chocula.
Even so, I don’t know how much I should be interested in women’s weightlifting. My idea of women’s weightlifting is to watch Kat try to pick up my wallet. And do you find a smaller subgroup of society than women’s weightlifting? In New Zealand? Well, maybe Seth Meyers fans.
I know – who would have thought New Zealand had an Olympic team. I know they have a government. They are a pretty tough bunch!
The topic of transporters takes up a large part of the 7 billion people. But should everyone have an opinion?
I live by a very simple rule – don’t get angry about anything if the people closer to the subject aren’t angry first. I came up with this rule a week after I got married. That said, if the people directly affected by this stuff aren’t ready to speak out, why should I? Well, maybe they’re mad – but can’t tell. Because they are afraid … For the very same reason that everyone is afraid today – they do not want to be ostracized for their beliefs
In the modern era of wokism, even people with real experience that will enable them to speak out are being swarmed by the mob. Just happened to Rita Moreno – she had to apologize for defending a non-white director because he wasn’t woken up enough. But then again, we’re talking about female weightlifters. Why should they be afraid of anyone – they can crush you with their thighs. And for that, they charge a lot on Craigslist. I really should get a new safe word. It’s “harder”.
My point is – the people who should get upset about competing against transporters should be the athletes, their parents. Your significant others. Your employees at Swiss Post. But if they cannot express their opinion because they fear attacks from hardcore activists, how can we help others? Maybe that’s the point.
Critics of transporters competing against biological women express the hard work biological women put into their training – all to see them lose their place to an athlete who, like me, is in a romper looks. There’s a reason people take male hormones to boost their performance. Now you could have separate teams for male, female, and trans. But God forbid we violate the sacred rule of inclusion of the awakened one.
You could do away with all criteria and let people play together – like soccer students at school. Except, a real sport. But even in these games one cannot escape the innate gender differences. The rules usually call for an equal number of genders per team as men and women are different. Something to remember if I accidentally walk into the wrong sauna at Planet Fitness.
For physiological reasons, it is not common in head-to-head sports for men to compete against women. But in open-class sports, you can mix up the sexes, you know, like at a party in Kat’s apartment. In equestrian sport, women compete with male jockeys. In the dog sled race, male and female mushers compete against each other. In the NCAA, men and women compete against each other in rifle shooting. This is great preparation if you are about to move to Chicago.
There is the ultimate frisbee that allows people of different sexes to compete in the game. Usually between her shifts on hot topics. But after that, my analysis breaks down like a turf ornament made in China.
These are the exceptions that might confirm the rule: We dance around the 400 pound lifter in the room. Gender differences. It’s everywhere, including curling.
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Well this sport should only be feminine as it is associated with brooms and sweeping … is something a sexist might say! And something that I would judge.
So we live in a time when we cannot tell the truth. The gap between our thoughts and words is wider than an Olympic soccer field and is getting bigger and bigger. Mostly about biology.
Which is a shame because we could actually make progress if we were open about the progress itself.
This article is an adaptation of Greg Gutfeld’s opening monologue for the edition of “Gutfeld!” from June 23, 2021.